Expectations

“Expectations are resentments under construction.”

Anne Lamott

As I enter into a week of spring break I need to be diligent to keep my mind free of expectations. Like Anne Lamott says, expectations lead to resentments. I can feel them brewing as my precious week to recharge, declutter, and get my life together gets chipped away with little commitments. The things that have been off limits for the last year are suddenly up and running again. Do I get up and run again too or sit some things out and play the peaceful spectator?

I feel like a selfish child when I hoard my time and energy. This has often led to guilt and over commitment.  The overcommitment has caused the pendulum to swing and now I under commit. People ask me to do things and I often decline. I’m afraid I’ll get swept away like Dorthy in a giant cyclone and end up far from home. I like to keep my plans vague and be elusive, but people want firm answers. 

“Will you coach baseball this season?” 

“Can you spend the weekend working on mom’s house?”

“Can we meet for lunch and catch up?” 

“Have you gotten all the tax stuff together yet?” 

“Are you taking new clients?”

“We should get the kids together for a playdate!”

I know I’ll have to come back out of my cocoon again soon, but I’m just not sure I’m ready yet. I’ve strangely loved some parts of COVID because it took away all the commitments that my life had been filled with. I’ve loved this precious time with my family. Reentry is going to be challenging. I’m taking it slowly and reevaluating what fits now and not worrying about how it compares to before. The only thing I’m expecting from myself is that I make conscious decisions that come from the wisdom and experience I’ve gained.

So, in answer to your questions, let me politely say:

“I’ll assistant coach one night a week.”

“I’d love to meet for lunch and a glass of wine.”

“The taxes will get done when I’m damn good and ready.”

“No, unfortunately I’m not taking any new clients right now, but I can refer you to some talented colleagues.”

“Sorry, we aren’t doing playdates right now. Maybe sometime though. I’ll let you know.”

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